23/12

Hey.
Merry Christmas.

can't be me who has the problem. Right?

Hi.
I'm at Benjamins familys house.
I tried not to.
"Sorry baby, have to work over Christmas"
Forgot about Flora and Benjamins friendship and that Flora can't lie.
Or wont.

So.
I'm here now.
Turns out, Benjamins folks are huggers.
Touchers.
(They like to hug people. All the time. And touch them.)

And yes, I think they are trying to kill me.
I saw this movie called "Feed" about a psychopat who killed women bye feeding them to death.
And it feels like that what they are aiming for.
Son of Jesus they want me to eat all the time.
5 more days.
Only 5 more days.
If you don't hear from me, you know why.

memory lane.

Oh. Damn.
You know that thing I wrote about me being naked and raped on TV? (jay)
Ehm.
Well. Yes.
Thats great and all.
But.
Im getting kind of nervous now.

My character is 14.
How was I when I was 14?
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If somebody raped me and I was 14?
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oh.
God.

Truth

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me.
I might brake.
I might kill you.
I am weak, but I'm very strong.

You can't just say you love me, you need to explane why.
(14 pounds more. Then I'll be perfect)

And I will.

Well.
You could say I met them now.

Benjamin said:
This is my girlfriend. This is Signe.
They said:
Nice to meet you. Heard alot about you.
I said:
Nice to meet you to. (HEARD WHAT?!!WHAT DID YOU HEAR? WHAT DID HE SAY? WHY IS IT NICE TO MEET ME?!)

His sister looked at me with horror.
I tried holding my stomach in. Maby she thought I was to fat for her skinny brother.
Did'nt work.
His brother kept looking at my breasts. I think he was trying to find them.

When we left, all my clothes was soaked with sweat.
Benjamin got a text from the sister.
"Lovely girl! I'm so happy for you! She's gonna come for christmas? Bring her!"

Siblings

My name is Signe.
When I grew up, I never missed siblings.
It was always just me and mom.
And that was perfect.
Well.
Maby not perfect.
But you get the idea.

Benjamin has one sister and one brother.
He loves them alot he says.
When I ask why, he just answers "Because they are my siblings!"
I don't get it.

Benjamin wants me to meet them.
And them to meet me.
So tomorrow we will.
Wish me luck.

Necks

Benjamin talks about my neck alot.
How beautiful it is.
How fragile it is.
How thin the skin looks.

Must be some kind of hang up.
It worries me.

Dreams

When other people dream that they are chased by something terrible, and that they are running, trying to get away (but they just cant)
I dream that I'm trying to beat someone up.
But the punches have no strength in them.
The blood should flow but does'nt.
The person I beat is totally unaffected.
Then I wake up. Sweaty.

Deer

I love the small fragile deer when they dance by me
light and volatile as bright spots between the trees
shy and intangible as shadows in the velvet soft forest darkness.

I follow them and my eyes caresses their narrow,
thin legs and on the hips --
I wanted to carrey them in my arms and kiss their silksmooth
necks and bodys

I want to hold them close to me and crush their fragile limbs,
until the begging gold light in their eyes die
and the innocent blood starts to drip.

Trapped in my tenderness lives a prisoner hungry for murder.

But because I know and dare to say it,
I will win a strength to protect the defenseless,
that no perpetrators shall have power to deprive me of.

All good things comes in..two?

Have you ever wondered about those actors/extras playing corpses in movies and series?
Who they are?

Have you ever wondered about me?
Who I am?
What I look like naked?
If I would look good dead?

All your questions will be answered soon.
I'm going to play a 14 years old girl (!!) that get's raped and murdered in one of those crime scene series that you see on TV all the time.
Yes, there will be blood.
Yes, I will be naked.

(No, Benjamin is not very pleased)

Benjamin

Smells like christmas.
Wrote a song for me.
Strokes my hair when I'm trying to sleep.
Knows a lot about flowers.
Holds my hand all the time.
Is warm when I'm cold.
Loves.
Me.

Love.

I am quiet.
I'm sorry.

I met someone.
His name is Benjamin.

Benjamin is a old friend to Flora.
Or, maby not very old.
He's 22.
How they became friends is a mystery to me.
I guess he just really likes coffee and old ladies, and she likes boys with big eyes and guitars.
I don't mean it like that! Perverts.

I did't think I liked boys.
Specially boys with guitars.
But I really like Benjamin.
Or, I love him. Lovelike. Likelove.

There you have it.